Fifty nine years ago a few good men decided that the great caste divide deserved to be erased. While at it, they thought that the great communal divide also should go. All held in good faith, it should have yielded fabulous results. The problem is just that today, so many years later, the wise men seem to have lost the plot.
Fifty nine years is not a small amount of time by any means. Why is it that after all these years reservations for various castes and communities (minorities) are still holding this country’s future hostage? Which civilized country can afford to say that their best brains are in some other country because they could not give them enough attention or encouragement? Why should it be that the mediocre go to the best schools at the expense of the rest? Fifty years should be more than enough for a surgical removal of the “downtrodden caste” bug. Any more than that and you are bound to believe that some people just don’t want to come out the crap-hole they are in. An objective view of the whole situation convinces us that no backward community was actually encouraged to do well for themselves. The people from minority classes/creeds who did well for themselves were self motivated people. What reservation did Dr. B.R. Ambedkar get? The entire focus in the past fifty nine years had been to completely cripple minority communities (caste/creed …actually I am ashamed of using the caste word so many times) in a fashion that they would never be independent of the politicians - Hence the security of the vote bank.
The worst insult you can heap on a people is labeling them “Backward” as part of OBC. It is the biggest failure of the quota/reservation scheme that 59 years post independence the concept of backward classes still exists. The very existence of a political party based on class lines belies any progress in the direction of an uplifted tomorrow. What has any government done to ensure that “backward” classes get better basic schooling? Why is it, then, suddenly their business to ensure that people from a certain community went to the best colleges in the country? What is this if not political melodrama?
And what the hell do they mean by the word “General”? Who is general? Generally speaking would that be a Malayalee Christian or a Gujrati Brahmin? Would that be a Bengali Muslim or a Ladhaki Buddhist? Is it our fault that some of our forefathers broke the chains of the caste system and made education the foundation stone of our lives? Do we have to suffer because our forefathers foresaw progress fifty years ago? For most of these questions our esteemed leaders won’t have answers or they will supply us with some punitive underdeveloped argument. Either way, in the wake of passionate arguments for and against reservations I hope our national leaders see sense and build the nation with the best available human resources and not shallow dreams and empty promises.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
And They Call Us Names!
Yesterday I met Dr. Moolamkuzhi Lambodaran Shunmugam Nair. Aah, I can see the smirks…Some chaps must already be holding on to their split sides. I admit, it does sound funny to someone who does not know what it means. Blunders borne off ignorance can be forgiven. That, however, cannot be the case with English (often confused with Christian) names. Ask me which is funnier and behold I give you these to sample.
Mankind has always been fascinated by colours. Green leaves, Black night, Brown bark, White milk etc. All great except for say, “How do you want your coffee Mr. Black”…umm…“Damn right I want it Black!” or “Are you feeling jealous Mr. Green?” or “The defendant Mr. White has been charged with racial discrimination.” Dude, his very name is racial!
Somehow, people love to name themselves after their private parts.I mean, imagine being called Dick! How funny is that? “Dick, get back into the house”. “Is our Dick home as yet?”, “My Dick is at the baseball game!” Its humiliating man. If you thought that was bad, imagine the whole world comment, “There goes Bush and his wife Laura!” (Indian brothers…please read it with the tonal effect). I was just going through some research papers written by a certain Prof. Kunt. Seriously, I would pay to sit in his class and listen to his students call him “Excuse me Prof. Kunt, does this oscillation equation hold for a body suspended in vacuum?”
India may have its fair share of Seths, Chowdhurys and Munshis as titles but that is only a handful compared to what the evolved Americans have. Obviously, Mr. Sebastian Smith loves to fashion tools, Messrs Abe Miller and John Baker run a confectionery, Mr. Thomas Taylor stitches and Mr. Edward Walker…um…walks the dogs? No prizes for guessing what Mr. King does! The list is long and the occupations are endless.
What kind of names are Pitt and Cruise? Imagine being the butt of mailing jokes because your Dad was called Letterman or the total agony of a 75 year old senior citizen when the young attendant repeatedly calls him Mr. Young. Then there’s the violent variety also. Mr. Gore would take the first prize in that category.
Mankind has always been fascinated by colours. Green leaves, Black night, Brown bark, White milk etc. All great except for say, “How do you want your coffee Mr. Black”…umm…“Damn right I want it Black!” or “Are you feeling jealous Mr. Green?” or “The defendant Mr. White has been charged with racial discrimination.” Dude, his very name is racial!
Somehow, people love to name themselves after their private parts.
India may have its fair share of Seths, Chowdhurys and Munshis as titles but that is only a handful compared to what the evolved Americans have. Obviously, Mr. Sebastian Smith loves to fashion tools, Messrs Abe Miller and John Baker run a confectionery, Mr. Thomas Taylor stitches and Mr. Edward Walker…um…walks the dogs? No prizes for guessing what Mr. King does! The list is long and the occupations are endless.
What kind of names are Pitt and Cruise? Imagine being the butt of mailing jokes because your Dad was called Letterman or the total agony of a 75 year old senior citizen when the young attendant repeatedly calls him Mr. Young. Then there’s the violent variety also. Mr. Gore would take the first prize in that category.
Prosecution of The Condom
* Caution...Satirical Adult content ahead. Please read at your own risk!
Okay firstly...what are condoms? Like an educated friend of mine once put it, it’s a helmet you put on to touch third base safely. Fantastic. So it’s like a helmet eh? Which is the safest helmet? The one that has a strap that buckles it up…right? Does your favourite condom have a strap? Further, the best helmet would have about a 5.5 mm polycarbonate retractable visor. This is to protect both eyes. Imagine, your condom does not have a visor and it has to protect the ONE eye!
Next, what is your regular condom made of? The material does matter dudes. In case we are still discussing about latex condoms (rubber), it’s the same material that tyres are made of. JK puts their tyres through the following tests: 75 degrees Centigrade temperature, 2.5 bar of pressure and the worst roads of the country. What test do you think your average condom is put under? Let’s face it; anything that can be blown into a balloon for a birthday party cannot be used to stop an eight pound baby. Can it? Also, the pressure, heat and rugged contours of your condom’s intended destination are far worse than those on Elgin road in Calcutta. By the way, if you are trying khadi condoms, you’d better start thinking of a name for your yet unborn child.
Did someone mention ribbed or dotted or banded? Boy…the makers really lack imagination. Any of you guys have taken biology lessons in school? You guys heard of a certain...ahem... arrest? Self explanatory and VERY, VERY embarrassing. Imagine a pipe with bands or ribs being put into a socket whose width is just as unpredictable as the depth increases. Yup…you get a pretty fair chance of getting arrested…
Flavoured maal eh? Is it like Bertie Bott’s Every Flavoured Beans (Harry Potter)? The flavours…banana flavoured protection (mosquitoes are highly attracted to bananas)…apple flavoured, cherry flavoured…the list goes on. How many of you have passed up a fruit salad? If you are not prepared to pass up your fruit salad, what makes you so confident that your girlfriend will? Imagine the scene- you’ve put the damn implement on crunch… Safe?
Condoms cannot help a certain percentage of people at all. The condom needs to put into its place at first. Many chaps are so overwhelmed that it’s all over even before the packet is opened…I mean…high tide! What in hell can a condom be used for in such a situation except as a balloon for the first child’s birthday party?
The above argument was entirely satirical and is not meant for meaningful consumption. All you guys should use whatever you get…I mean, whatever rubber you get. Play safe…
A condom a day keeps little engineers at bay!
Okay firstly...what are condoms? Like an educated friend of mine once put it, it’s a helmet you put on to touch third base safely. Fantastic. So it’s like a helmet eh? Which is the safest helmet? The one that has a strap that buckles it up…right? Does your favourite condom have a strap? Further, the best helmet would have about a 5.5 mm polycarbonate retractable visor. This is to protect both eyes. Imagine, your condom does not have a visor and it has to protect the ONE eye!
Next, what is your regular condom made of? The material does matter dudes. In case we are still discussing about latex condoms (rubber), it’s the same material that tyres are made of. JK puts their tyres through the following tests: 75 degrees Centigrade temperature, 2.5 bar of pressure and the worst roads of the country. What test do you think your average condom is put under? Let’s face it; anything that can be blown into a balloon for a birthday party cannot be used to stop an eight pound baby. Can it? Also, the pressure, heat and rugged contours of your condom’s intended destination are far worse than those on Elgin road in Calcutta. By the way, if you are trying khadi condoms, you’d better start thinking of a name for your yet unborn child.
Did someone mention ribbed or dotted or banded? Boy…the makers really lack imagination. Any of you guys have taken biology lessons in school? You guys heard of a certain...ahem... arrest? Self explanatory and VERY, VERY embarrassing. Imagine a pipe with bands or ribs being put into a socket whose width is just as unpredictable as the depth increases. Yup…you get a pretty fair chance of getting arrested…
Flavoured maal eh? Is it like Bertie Bott’s Every Flavoured Beans (Harry Potter)? The flavours…banana flavoured protection (mosquitoes are highly attracted to bananas)…apple flavoured, cherry flavoured…the list goes on. How many of you have passed up a fruit salad? If you are not prepared to pass up your fruit salad, what makes you so confident that your girlfriend will? Imagine the scene- you’ve put the damn implement on crunch… Safe?
Condoms cannot help a certain percentage of people at all. The condom needs to put into its place at first. Many chaps are so overwhelmed that it’s all over even before the packet is opened…I mean…high tide! What in hell can a condom be used for in such a situation except as a balloon for the first child’s birthday party?
The above argument was entirely satirical and is not meant for meaningful consumption. All you guys should use whatever you get…I mean, whatever rubber you get. Play safe…
A condom a day keeps little engineers at bay!
Friday, January 06, 2006
The Wrong Side of 25
What does it feel like to be on the wrong side of 25? It’s a bloody good question…at least one that I was left pondering on the night of Jan the 4th. I’ll be true to you…it really scared the living daylights out of me. I’m normally not worried about aging per say. I mean…appearance-wise it does not concern me at all. However, I suddenly realized that I was closer to 30 than ever before and still far from what I would define as “successful”. 30 has always looked to be the halfway mark – the kind of age by when people are at the helm of their enterprises. The worst part about being 25 is not that you are not 20 anymore but that your countdown to 30 has just begun. It’s a dicey age…an age where you are expected to have the aggressive energy of a 20 year old and the mature perspective of a 30 year old. In fact, this is the only facet that I found endearing about being 25 – the challenge of being two people in one!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Nature's Conundrum
Once upon a time very, very long ago, there lived a young naval captain. This captain had the favour of the king and was selected by him and his advisors to embark on an expedition to discover an ambiguous land form. Nothing was known about the land… just that it was an island and that there was a direction to follow. Evidently, the king wanted to establish a settlement on that land as it was rich in iron ore – something that his kingdom could do with. The young captain made the journey braving the various hazards of the rough sea. His being an amateur did not make the job any easier. After months at sea he reached the landform and after a day of exploration found that the land already had inhabitants.
He clearly recognized that the land could not be claimed forcefully as that would be only taking the soil and not the soul. Although he had the King’s men aboard the ship, he refrained from using their protection and went ahead to understand the ways of the land on his own. His boldness won the trust of the chieftain. However, the younger men of the tribe were less than enthusiastic about the captain’s visit. Out of the blue, an enormous spear almost claimed the life of the captain. The king’s men, on seeing this swung into action and, even against the pleas of the explorer, ran in to clash against the aborigines. Legend has it that the blood-red sunset saw 2,000 fallen aborigines before the king’s men finally left the island.
The land mass soon regained from its bloody state and went on to prosper and become a greatly industrious nation.
What happened to the explorer? Some say that he went on to discover the greatest land mass ever. Others argue that he left the King’s service to become a much feared pirate. Yet others say that he renounced the sea and took to a monastery.
Although it did seem so to the naked eye that all was finally well, there was a critical question left unanswered - Who was responsible for the events that took place?
Was it the captain who unwittingly stepped on property that was not meant to be? Was it the regalia that forced him into the mission? Was it the men who meant to protect their captain? Was it the aborigines who wanted to defend what was their own? Was it the island that stood back and watched as disaster struck…unable to indicate either an inclination or an affiliation? Or was it nature…in all its trueness – a two faced conundrum.
He clearly recognized that the land could not be claimed forcefully as that would be only taking the soil and not the soul. Although he had the King’s men aboard the ship, he refrained from using their protection and went ahead to understand the ways of the land on his own. His boldness won the trust of the chieftain. However, the younger men of the tribe were less than enthusiastic about the captain’s visit. Out of the blue, an enormous spear almost claimed the life of the captain. The king’s men, on seeing this swung into action and, even against the pleas of the explorer, ran in to clash against the aborigines. Legend has it that the blood-red sunset saw 2,000 fallen aborigines before the king’s men finally left the island.
The land mass soon regained from its bloody state and went on to prosper and become a greatly industrious nation.
What happened to the explorer? Some say that he went on to discover the greatest land mass ever. Others argue that he left the King’s service to become a much feared pirate. Yet others say that he renounced the sea and took to a monastery.
Although it did seem so to the naked eye that all was finally well, there was a critical question left unanswered - Who was responsible for the events that took place?
Was it the captain who unwittingly stepped on property that was not meant to be? Was it the regalia that forced him into the mission? Was it the men who meant to protect their captain? Was it the aborigines who wanted to defend what was their own? Was it the island that stood back and watched as disaster struck…unable to indicate either an inclination or an affiliation? Or was it nature…in all its trueness – a two faced conundrum.
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