The eternal battle between saas and bahu does not have its roots in the teary bunkum that soaps love to wallow in. Its true base lies in something else - a connectere (connection.) We know that when we connect one object with another, there is a fusing of the two, either reversible or irreversible. Human binding is similar, and the strongest connections are those that have a physical base. Needless to say, this is the true reason for the squabbles between saas and bahu - A horizontal connection. The mother-son relationship starts much before the son exists as a physically independent entity. It starts in the womb of the mother, where the mother and son are connected by the umbilical cord. This is a horizontal connection between the navels of the mother and son. Contrary to our understanding of the cord (mainly because its ugly countenance) , its potential significance in psychology is great. It is the first bond the son makes, and the bond that he learns to survive on. The connection delivers oxygen and nutrients, two things that the fetus desperately needs to survive. There is an exchange of body fluids. This is a unique bond that the mother makes. It is the only time another living being depends solely on her for survival. Everything she eats, drinks, breathes, does, and thinks affects the fetus inside her. She ensures the survival of another life inside her, and the umbilical cord insures it. This builds the foundation for intense bonds that develop between mothers and sons.
Cut to the bond that man and wife share - Some would argue, an equally strong bond, it has its basis in the same horizontal connection. It is the connection that man and woman share during the act of sex - When the phallus forms a connection with the cervix. Let us for once subtract the erotic connotation of sex and see the act for what it is. This, apart from the mother-son bond, is the only true physical bond where two human entities become one. It is a sign of extreme trust - both individuals allow an incursion into their most private zones. There is an all-consuming passion that drives this act. Like with the umbilical cord, there is exchange of body fluids. Survival does not depend on it, in a literal sense. However, I'm given to understand that the passion involved can be so great that it can make you feel on the edge of life itself! The abstracted strength of this bond is the potential in it to create new life. This is an enormous power - one known clearly to both individuals. Another reason for the strength of this bond is the hidden urge to recreate the physical bond felt between mother and son. As adults we do not know what the fetus must have felt. However, I believe that it has something to do with security. It is this that we unknowingly try to recreate during copulation - The overpowering feeling of safety when the man is physically enveloped by his wife.
Thus we have two bonds - One is the natal bond between man and mother, the other is the sexual bond between man and wife. The mother considers this new bond to be a replacement for her original bond; the wife considers the original bond to be a psychological vestige interfering with her bond.
Whichever way you look at it, these are the two most significant and emotional bonds a man is ever going to have. It is essential that he give each its place. It is equally important that both mother and wife look at roles they played before/will play in the future. After all, saas bhi kabhi bahu thi.
