* Caution...Satirical Adult content ahead. Please read at your own risk!
Okay firstly...what are condoms? Like an educated friend of mine once put it, it’s a helmet you put on to touch third base safely. Fantastic. So it’s like a helmet eh? Which is the safest helmet? The one that has a strap that buckles it up…right? Does your favourite condom have a strap? Further, the best helmet would have about a 5.5 mm polycarbonate retractable visor. This is to protect both eyes. Imagine, your condom does not have a visor and it has to protect the ONE eye!
Next, what is your regular condom made of? The material does matter dudes. In case we are still discussing about latex condoms (rubber), it’s the same material that tyres are made of. JK puts their tyres through the following tests: 75 degrees Centigrade temperature, 2.5 bar of pressure and the worst roads of the country. What test do you think your average condom is put under? Let’s face it; anything that can be blown into a balloon for a birthday party cannot be used to stop an eight pound baby. Can it? Also, the pressure, heat and rugged contours of your condom’s intended destination are far worse than those on Elgin road in Calcutta. By the way, if you are trying khadi condoms, you’d better start thinking of a name for your yet unborn child.
Did someone mention ribbed or dotted or banded? Boy…the makers really lack imagination. Any of you guys have taken biology lessons in school? You guys heard of a certain...ahem... arrest? Self explanatory and VERY, VERY embarrassing. Imagine a pipe with bands or ribs being put into a socket whose width is just as unpredictable as the depth increases. Yup…you get a pretty fair chance of getting arrested…
Flavoured maal eh? Is it like Bertie Bott’s Every Flavoured Beans (Harry Potter)? The flavours…banana flavoured protection (mosquitoes are highly attracted to bananas)…apple flavoured, cherry flavoured…the list goes on. How many of you have passed up a fruit salad? If you are not prepared to pass up your fruit salad, what makes you so confident that your girlfriend will? Imagine the scene- you’ve put the damn implement on crunch… Safe?
Condoms cannot help a certain percentage of people at all. The condom needs to put into its place at first. Many chaps are so overwhelmed that it’s all over even before the packet is opened…I mean…high tide! What in hell can a condom be used for in such a situation except as a balloon for the first child’s birthday party?
The above argument was entirely satirical and is not meant for meaningful consumption. All you guys should use whatever you get…I mean, whatever rubber you get. Play safe…
A condom a day keeps little engineers at bay!
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