Have you ever felt that most of the people around you respond to force only? Have you felt that probably a frown, on more occasions than one, came handier than a smile? Well, if you do, you are either me or it more like a pandemic happening around here.
I’ve noticed, from under a raised eyebrow, if you please, that I am most effective when my normally polite voice turn into a low growl. No, I can see what you are doing…please don’t try that at home. The moment I am nice to someone, he/she (mostly she) tries to take advantage of me. Imagine, being nice to ten people a day! It’s like a circus. The moment they (the whole wide conniving world, I say) realize that you are a softie at heart, they queue up to use your ‘soft’ heart as a dart board. It’s an exciting game they say, after all maximum points are scored by the closest hit to the centre.
Sir Rajesh – The Backbreaker
Let me take, for example, Mr. Rajesh. Mr. Rajesh, or ‘Sir Rajesh of the Nighthood’, as I like to call him, does visualization for me and a few others. While he is crude and disrespectful with the others, he is extremely prompt with my work. Why? No I don’t bribe him…I just give him a ‘hot’ time. Every breach of deadline is rewarded with a “long pause…Why?...long pause” in a low growling voice. That is succeeded by the eye-brow samba punctuated with rhythmic grunts. By the time he is at the climax of his explanation, I am already sounding like a boar that has smelt sweet potatoes! He considers himself lucky if he escapes with an extension of deadline. If you are going to continue with that accusing gaze, I’ll indulge you with the other side of this story. The story of Jake, the smiley. That’s right – me. Mr. Rajesh was the same chap I used to go to, with a smiling face and a low, encouraging voice, so that my work got done in the given time frame. He gave a shit for all that. All of six months I tried to be this whole other person – gentle, friendly, smiling, protective…blah, blah, blah. Then I decided to play turncoat. Three days. Three days is all it took to get him back on track. For the first two days he could not believe that I was the same person. You know the funny thing? He does not even report to me!
Ms. Chattopadhyay – The Godmother
Cut to Ms. Chattopadhyay. Now she is something. You would consider yourself lucky if you completed a whole day’s work without seeing her drag her lipids around the block. Now, her attitude is a real bummer. She thinks that god created her in all her enormity so that she could get the lion’s share from everyone else’s success. It just does not matter what she does, she’s got to get benefits that others deserve more than her…all in the name of a few months of chronological precedence. Now, every time I spoke to her nicely she made every attempt to make my life a living hell. I am from a family where women are treated with a lot of respect. Big mistake. I just could not bring myself to tell her off. As a result, she kept at filling my chief’s ears with fiction about me. This went on till finally my patience gave way. Big mistake [Never piss off/on Uncle Jake – Old jungle saying]. I just shifted gears into overdrive. I am ready to wager that even when she mulled on the Cold War and its fallout in Std. VII she never expected to be in the middle of one! I created a hostile environment without being rude and whenever the two of us were part of the same discussion, the air conditioner would also have to be turned off. Subsequently, I metamorphosized this cold hostility into erratic bursts of sarcasm in public. All of one week and she broke. Now we share a very fierce, healthy and respectful relationship. I am fierce while she is healthy and respectful LOL!
Ms. Diana – Reverse Sweep
Now, this is a class act. Seriously a class act. This is probably one case where the lesson was learnt in reverse. I used to really keep Ms. Diana on her toes…yes, the growls too. She was good, fast and efficient. I always praised her in front of the bosses and recommended her for bigger activities in the corporate circus. But, true to my nature, I never let her know that I was her promoter in ‘The cabin’. Over time, I eased out a little on her and resorted to smiling and joking and other disdainfully ridiculous activities just to make myself more affable. Within mere days her efficiency came down, excuses were born, deadlines were being stretched and blunders were being committed. I realized that my ‘charming smile’ LOL was my undoing. Well, what can I say, I wielded the stick and all was well again.
You might be thinking that I am a crazy demonic taskmaster who has screwed up ideas about work and pathetic people skills. I am not in a position to comment about that. However, one thing I can say, with enough conviction is that if you prefer to be the country-club type, people are, more often than not, going to sell you tickets to your own circus.
No comments:
Post a Comment